Heartbreaking news this week here, here and here. And just in the last few weeks I've had three students write about or talk in class about similar situations in their own lives.
I work hard to put myself in other people's shoes, to try to understand how they see the world. But I don't know how to understand this. I mean really understand it, not just intellectually know the reasons.
How do people get to a place where they feel free to wreak havoc on a person's mind and spirit by wreaking havoc on their bodies?
I have personally never considered myself a victim of abuse, but it astounds me that when I think back over my own life, I need at least two hands to count the number of times boys and men--unequivocally uninvited--have crossed darn inappropriate lines with me, including three that actually broke laws currently on the books.
Two hands! That's not okay!
When I was in graduate school, I focused my studies in political science on public policy. I worked in the Utah County Attorney's office and wrote a thesis evaluating a Utah statute designed to minimize trauma to children testifying in abuse cases. After graduating, I continued to be involved as a volunteer with the interagency Utah County Child Abuse Council, which ultimately founded the Children's Justice Center in Provo.
For years I was steeped in a whole lot of reality. And while there has been legitimate push back against things like false allegations of abuse in custody battles and people recovering false memories, there have been far, far too many real perpetrators and real victims.
What gives me hope is that I have seen up close so many people working so diligently to protect adults and children, to stop cycles of violence and abuse. Most valiant among them are victims who tell their stories and who give others hope and perspective that can be healing.
I have to believe all of their efforts are not for naught. But honestly, it's been hard to believe this week.
3 comments:
I love your incredibly thoughtful and insightful blog. It is refreshing in this time of FB and texting, although they have their place. Too many people take the easy way out when it comes to voicing an opinion. It is much easier to click "like" than to form a cohesive thought of your own. Thanks for sharing yours!
This one is tough to comment on. Abuse has been a part of my life. I have written about it. I've had lots of therapy and have experienced much healing.
But there are scars. It will always be a part of me. All I can do at this point is use my experiences to help others. I am fortunate that through blogging and talking about it I have gotten that opportunity way too many times. There are just too many people with similar stories. It is horrific that this is such a part of our world.
I think the key to your questioning about how a person can do this to another person is to realize that the perpetrator doesn't see another person. He/she sees a means to an end. And object. Something to be used.
Which leads back to our societal structure and surroundings. And that's another discussion in itself.
Robin, your insight and courage to speak is so important. Thank you!
People seeing objects/means to an end instead of people explains a lot of the world's ills, doesn't it? I'm convinced that a true embracing of the golden rule is essential to our continued evolution as human beings. Even though reality can be discouraging, I'm not going to give up on that.
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