Over the past 48 hours or so since I began treatment for my ailments, I have felt the dense layers of fog I've been buried under start to clear away. I'm catching metaphorical glimpses of enough blue sky to make a Dutch boy's britches.
I don't even care if it's just placebo effect at this point. For the first time in a long time, I can imagine being myself again.
Last night while we were getting settled in for bed, I realized I actually felt light hearted. I asked Roger and Jack if they could tell a difference and they both immediately said, "Yes!"
Today I looked at the basket of laundry on the floor and just started folding it. No feeling of overwhelming dread that my arms were too weak or that my brain could not manage it. Seriously, I had reached the point that a basket of laundry felt like too much to bear. A basket of laundry!
What's been especially hard is that I've fallen way behind on my 50 physical feats project. There are things on my list that I've missed or am about to miss because I'm not ready. Things that I won't have an opportunity to do again until next year. So I'm adjusting my plans and instead of finishing at the end of 2013, I'm giving myself through to the day before my 51st birthday in July 2014 to finish. And that's okay, because the whole thing is meant to be a joyful adventure, not a weight on my soul.
It might take a while to get back up to speed. It might not. But I'm grateful that I'm no longer falling deeper into the abyss.
I am reset and moving forward.
2 comments:
I am so happy to read you're feeling better! I know what that basket of laundry looks like through those overwhelmed glasses all too well. I'm so glad you're making progress.
This is my favorite line: "because the whole thing is meant to be a joyful adventure, not a weight on my soul." If only we could remember this more often in life. In fact, I may put that on a sticky note somewhere I can refer back to it. It's just that good. Thank you for sharing your experience and all you're learning. I love learning with you.
Continued best wishes.
This makes me love you more.
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