Ikea Update

Ikea opens in two days, but I fear I will not be there for the grand opening. I am so not a crowd person, and I just saw on the news that people are already camping out in front of the store. Yikes! I'll get there soon, though!

Unwritten

As I was driving in our Jeep with the roof off at dusk last night on my way home from buying a bridal shower gift for our nephew's fiance one of my favorite songs came on the radio and I cranked it.

So I thought I'd invite you to crank it up and enjoy! Click here for Natasha Bedingfield's video of Unwritten on Youtube.

Feel the rain on your skin
No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips
Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Happy Birthday, Harry

Our Jack is now eight!

A few months ago, I panicked at the thought that Jack may yet again see a Harry Potter movie (#5) before reading the book. We read all sorts of novels together, but for some reason never got into the Harry Potter books. So we've been on a Harry Potter binge. We're now on #4. And Jack is transfixed.

Last week we made broomsticks (I even went to a craft store and used a glue gun!), this week we went all out with a Harry Potter birthday party. The kids played variations of quidditch with tennis balls and super balls, we had a Harry Potter cake, and we went on a neighborhood wide treasure hunt complete with marauder's maps and visits to Gringotts, Kings Cross Station, the Three Broomsticks, Hagrid's house and the whomping willow.

Harry, er Jack, is sure growing up to be a fine young man!

Goodbye Girls

Sure they're just characters on a tv show, but I'm sure going to miss the Gilmore Girls after watching the series finale last night. I didn't discover the show until last spring, and watching all of the reruns during the summer was a bright spot for me as we closed our business. Thanks for the good times, Lorelai and Rory!

Do Not Pass Go

I had the unique opportunity to visit our county jail the other night, including visiting with some women who are inmates there. I'm trying to figure out how and where to get involved in community literacy programs, and working with inmates is one of the options I'm seriously considering. Knowing how to read is power: if you can read, you can figure pretty much anything out. And being able to figure things out is an important part of turning your life around.

Many years ago I did an internship with our County Attorney's office and I was stunned to find out that 3 out of 4 of the crimes they prosecuted were drug related--using, selling, stealing to buy drugs, or inflicting some sort of harm due to being on drugs. Today, I'm sure that percentage is even higher. So many people are ending up in a place in their lives that they never intended.

The two women we talked with were very different from one another. One of them (heroin, one two-year-old child she's hardly seen) had pretty much given up on herself and laughed when she said she was sure she'd end up in jail again. The other (meth, five children she's relinquished rights to) had already been through giving up on herself and was clearly trying hard to get out of that mindset, to tap into some self respect.

I think about all of the stupid mistakes I make, and I think about how important it is to treat one another like human beings. To look people in the eye. To acknowledge that they aren't simply a sum of their mistakes. I want to be the kind of person who does that.

Two other random impressions from my visit to the jail: Inmates have a serious lack of personal space, and I wasn't too sure what to make of the fact that the residence halls were named after Utah ski resorts (is it meant to be hopeful or is it meant to remind inmates of where they can't be?).

PBS "The Mormons"

A four-hour Frontline/American Experience documentary about the Mormons debuted on PBS this week. Overall, I thought film maker Helen Whitney did an amazing job, weaving a complex and nuanced portrait of our faith.

Of course she had to address many of the controversies, misconceptions and missteps that are part of the church's history and lore. She tackled the tough stuff with intelligence and respect, and I appreciated that. The official reaction to the documentary of LDS church leaders, who participated freely with Whitney in her research, is overall positive.

Four hours of documentary about any religion can only scratch the surface. And I'm not sure it's really possible to understand anything as complex as religion from the outside looking in--in the same way, for example, that it's impossible to understand what it's like to be a part of a specific family without actually being a part of it. And just as with families, individual members of the church experience it differently.

Here are some of the things that I personally wished Whitney had been able to squeeze in those four hours.

While various LDS beliefs and practices were sprinkled throughout the documentary, I'm not sure a viewer unfamiliar with the church would end up with a concrete sense of what it's like to practice Mormonism or what our answers are to these fundamental questions: who we are, why we are here on earth, and what the heck is going to happen to us after we die. It would have been nice to have an overview of LDS beliefs and practices.

At its core, the LDS church is not actually a new or even American religion (culturally maybe, but doctrinally, no). We believe that the church is a restoration of the same church that Christ established during his life and ministry. The controversial idea we have that ours is the only "true" church refers to the reestablishment of the priesthood, which is the authority to act on Christ's behalf here on earth (to baptize, etc.). And to clarify, we do not believe that ours is the only church that teaches truths. Truth can be found in many places. We do believe that through revelation we have found more complete answers to spiritual questions. We also believe that there are many more things we don't know yet.

Lay ministry is mentioned, but I'm not sure the documentary really captured the way that at some point virtually all members--women, men and even small children--are called on to pray, speak and teach in church on Sundays and that we hold many different positions through the course of our lives. We practice full engagement in our faith, consecrating our time, talents and energy to lift each other up.

When the documentary focused on intellectualism and the church, I wish it had been clear that not only do we understand that intellectualism can be "dangerous" when it leaves faith behind, but that we also believe that faith should not leave thinking and reason behind. God wants us to learn everything we can about our world and the people in it, and that includes using scientific method to do it. We believe there are many ways of "knowing" and if we limit ourselves to our five senses and our earthbound logic, we'll never really get to all of the answers.

Several times the documentary mentioned the LDS focus on obedience, but didn't explore at all one of the most fundamental tenets of our faith--agency. Freedom to choose what we believe as individuals and to act accordingly, freedom from being compelled to follow. (That said, we are only human and social pressure to conform can feel weighty at times. But social pressure isn't part of the gospel.)

Our aspiration toward "perfect obedience" must be accomplished in the larger and essential context of agency. We are not meant to be sheep, though of course some church members are because for some it's just easier that way. We are meant to be very aware and deliberate in our obedience--to consciously choose it.

If we are confused or unsure or even offended by something we are asked to do or believe, the onus is on us as individuals to prayerfully find answers. Some church members rarely have issues; some church members spend their lives questioning and grappling; some church members leave because they do not find the answers they are looking for, and some of them later return as the light shifts for them.

We don't baptize children until they're 8 so that their baptism involves a conscious choice on their part. We take the sacrament each week to renew our baptismal commitment to follow Christ. And because it's all about progression, here on earth and after we die, it is quite possible for excommunicated members to be rebaptized (one dear member in our ward followed this path).

Jack's baptism is coming up, and I've had several talks with him about his choice to be baptized and about the fact that while we make him go to church now because he is a child, it is his reponsibility to decide what he thinks about it all and what he believes. It's an important part of his journey through life.

I think perhaps the most amazing thing about the LDS church is how it encourages and enables us to connect to the divine on a deeply personal level, reflecting the trust God has in us as his children. We are empowered as we are taught our responsibility to seek our own personal revelation of truth and to exercise our own faith, not simply to rely on the faith of others. With few exceptions, such as our sacrament prayers, our prayers both public and personal are not rote. And we are each individually engaged in the work of God. Roger, for example, not our bishop, will be baptizing Jack next month.

Oh, and one last thing. I wish Whitney had taken the opportunity to dispel the myth of magic underwear. While we wear special undergarments as a private, ongoing reminder of our commitment to follow Christ, we do not believe they are magic. We can't rely on them to stop a speeding bullet.

Penguins, Otter Pops and Icebergs

As the weather heats up, Jack's imagination has been entrenched in a world of ice and snow. He worked very hard on a written and oral report about penguins for his language arts class at school (he got a 50 out of 50 on the written report!).

He's completely obsessed with the sinking of the Titanic, particularly why it sunk and how it could have been designed differently to keep it from sinking. He announced the other day that if he doesn't grow up to be a Lego engineer, he wants to design ships.

And the other day, he and his friends spent the afternoon selling Otter Pops on the corner. After paying us for cost of goods sold and splitting the proceeds with his friends, Jack pocketed three dollars!

Fearless (Part 2)

I have several new heroes who are standing up for what they believe in.

One is Diane Bailey, the president of College Democrats at BYU, who organized the on-campus protest against Dick Cheney's visit (which happened yesterday, by the way). Here's an excerpt from a recent article in The Deseret News.

"The reason there wasn't (a sanctioned political campus protest) for more than 15 years is students assumed it was against school policy, which it's not," she said. "As soon as I heard Cheney was invited, within 10 minutes I was picking up the appropriate forms. The next day I submitted a two-page proposal so I could give it the time for planning and to go up the chain."

Still, she felt pressure not to embarrass an administration that surprised many by approving the protest, or the church to which she is faithful.

"I was so scared," Bailey said. "I threw up that morning."

Wow! I always admire people who go through with something even if it's scary enough to make them puke. (And as an aside, I'm so sad that the political and social climate is such that she'd be as scared as she was. When my hero Roger decided to run for a seat on the Utah County Commission a few years ago as a Democratic candidate, it was that same climate that led us to have serious discussions about possible repercussions for our bookstore. If anyone did decide to take their business elsewhere, they didn't tell us.)

Another hero of mine is my sister-in-law Chris, recently quoted in The Salt Lake Tribune in an article about a campaign that "scuttled a scheme to build an office building in This Is the Place Heritage Park." She stood her ground against big business to help preserve something she loves.

In the end, not even Ivory could stand up to the righteous indignation of people like Christine Graham, a pioneer re-enactor who endured the 1997 sesquicentennial wagon train that ended its journey at the park.

"We have watched with increasingly heavy hearts as park management weighed itself down with inappropriate and unsustainable development," she said with tears in her eyes. "Probably because it lacks expertise, the park tends to choose pricey 21st-century solutions when 19th century solutions would be much less expensive, far more appropriate, and more satisfying to visitors."

And last but not least, another hero is my nephew Drew Merrell, who voluntarily joined the Army after the war in Iraq started and who is currently serving there. He was recently quoted in a Washington Post article about the struggle to train Iraqi soldiers who aren't being given the tools they need to do their jobs (um, maybe that's a clue leaders both here and in Iraq should pick up on?).

[The Iraqi] soldiers came out with old, rusting AK-47 assault rifles and mismatched uniforms. One soldier wore baby blue running shoes with his beige camouflage gear. Some wore black masks so they wouldn't be recognized in the community. Another soldier tucked silver shears into his chest strap.

"This is one of the more squared-away units," Hill said.

"That's something," quipped Merrell, looking at the soldier with the shears. "The Iraqis are always ready to prune a good hedge."

Drew will be staying in Iraq longer than he expected due to the surge. I pray that he keeps that sense of humor.

Fearless (Part 1)

I'd like to believe that I've lived my life with integrity and that I've never been a hypocrite, but lately I've realized that I put very little effort into standing up for things that I believe in. That needs to change.

A few weeks ago, my friend Millicent called to see if I'd head up an effort to circulate a petition in our neighborhood about school vouchers. I had been working on a big project and hadn't been keeping up on the local news like I usually try to, so I wasn't sure exactly what she was talking about. I mean, I knew the state legislature had routinely been considering a voucher program for the past several years, but I did not know that they had actually passed legislation and that the petition drive was to get the voucher issue on the next election ballot in an attempt to override that legislation.

Generally, I am uncomfortable with petitions. I think people often sign them without really knowing what they are signing. So unless I'm passionate and well briefed about an issue, I'm unlikely to say yes to a request to head up a petition drive in my neighborhood. (I do like the new model of online petitions--people can sign them without feeling pressured to.)

Even though I probably would have turned her down, Millicent's call shook me up. I was embarrassed that I didn't know what she was talking about and that I hadn't really considered my position on school vouchers. But more significantly, I realized that I don't often act on my beliefs. If I was passionate and well briefed on the school voucher issue here in Utah, would I have actually done anything about it?

Well, let's take a look at my commitment to the environment for illumination. I truly believe that human beings are meant to be good stewards of the earth, but I'm not sure my track record reflects that.

Even though I've recycled paper and aluminum cans for years, I have yet to sign up for the not-so-new-anymore city curbside recycling that would allow us to recycle more. I also haven't gotten around to buying reusable grocery bags, nor did I say anything at the grocery store this morning when the bagger put just three oranges in a bag and nothing else. And the oranges were already in a plastic bag!

I'm an incompetent housekeeper who relies on the most potent chemicals I can find to get the grout in my shower clean. I was too lazy to find a more organic solution to lawn fertilizing and bug control this summer, so I finally said "yes, come spray" to the company we've used for the past several years (in my defense they called us relentlessly). And of course I cringed but remained silent when they came, sprayed, and then said to keep children off the lawn for at least 24 hours so it doesn't make them sick. Nevermind the issue of having such a large lawn here in the middle of the desert.

To my credit, Jack and I do have daily discussions about turning off the bathroom light when he's done. If I find it on, I make him come turn it off straightaway, even if he's in the middle of playing with friends. One day he'll develop the habit, won't he?

I hereby renew my commitment to live according to the dictates of my own conscience, even if it scares me.

Skipping the Party

This morning I woke up unable to face a baby shower for three of my neighbors, all of whom had (or, in one case, adopted) baby girls within a week of each other. I was planning to go, but am apparently having an emotionally unbalanced day, so I stayed home.

Over the past months I've been trying to face up to the fact that barring some sort of miracle, Jack will be an only child in our family. While he has half-siblings who are with his birth mom, he will not have anyone to commiserate with about all of the dysfunction Roger and I create in his life.

I have always been ambivalent about motherhood (though I must say that I’m not at all ambivalent about being Jack’s mom—that’s absolutely one of the best things in my life). Growing up I figured I’d have two or three children, and that being a mom would just be a natural part of my life. I didn’t stress about or fear becoming a parent, but I never had a sense of urgency about it either.

When it became fairly clear in my mid-thirties that I probably would never give birth to a child, Roger and I went through the process to adopt Jack. Ironically, Jack was born nine months after the agency approved our application. When Jack was a year old, we went through the process again, but years went by and we never got a call.

Throughout those years, we never made any herculean attempts to grow our family. No medical procedures, no international adoptions, no adopting older children or taking in foster kids. Nothing. We did not feel inclined or inspired to take those extra measures so we didn’t.

Then after Jack started school and Roger and I were firmly in our forties, we let our approval status lapse—in part because there were so many other couples in the pool for so few children and we knew they really hungered for them while we were ambivalent.

I’ve often thought the three of us make a fine family together, and I’ve only rarely yearned for another child despite the fact that I live plunk the middle of a culture that values and encourages large families.

But as I approach my 44^th birthday, I realize I’ve got a lot to sort through. Should I have fought my ambivalence and worked harder to have more children? Have I just been lazy and selfish? Aaagh, all of the regret and guilt tied up in that line of thinking!

Or has my ambivalence really been a blessing in disguise—a coping mechanism of some sort? I may well have gone through one herculean effort after another and still ended up with one child. Maybe my ambivalence is a result of knowing deep down inside that I would never really have any control over how many children we have. If I didn’t really care too much, my heart wouldn't break.

Where I think this may lead to in the end is succumbing to Jack’s pleas for a dog. And let me tell you, that’s a big, big leap for me!

My BYU

My alma mater, BYU, has been in the news this week—lots of furor over the fact that Dick Cheney is going to speak at commencement this month. I am very, very happy that BYU suspended its strict no demonstration policy to allow students to voice their opinions about his upcoming visit.

My personal opinion? I wish BYU would invite more high profile speakers with a wide range of political views. And I wish they hadn't invited such an ethically challenged person to speak at graduation. Commencement should be about the students who worked hard to earn their degrees and who are going out into the world, not about the speaker.

When I think about my time at BYU in the 80s, it didn’t seem so partisan. Or maybe as a native of predominantly Democratic Massachusetts attending college in predominantly Republican Utah, I just saw what I wanted to see.

But as a political science major I hung with as many College Democrats as College Republicans (I am a registered Independent so I felt comfortable floating freely among them all).

I had fabulous professors like Dr. Gary Bryner and Dr. Joe Black (click on link and scroll down until you get to his name). They pushed us to see thorny issues from all angles. I listened to well known national Democrats like Senator Joe Biden who came to speak on campus.

I worked on the annual Peace Symposium committee, and invited my Quaker grandmother to speak about her experiences traveling on a mission of peace to Nicaragua at the age of 80. The auditorium was packed with students who were concerned about US involvement there.

I watched my friend Becky get up exceptionally early for months to coordinate student volunteers serving breakfast at the community food and care coalition (I did help her a little, but not nearly enough). Inspired by her, I wrote bleeding heart articles for the Student Review, the alternative off campus student newspaper, and dreamed of making a difference the world.

Here in Utah I am quite left of center. As a US citizen I’m left of center, though not as dramatically. And I owe much of that to spending many happy formative years at BYU.

Snapshot

I've been distracted from my blog with a big writing project I've been working on, and am today recommitting myself to posting here on a more regular basis. I thought I'd mark the occasion with a snapshot of my current life--something I do in my personal journal from time to time, especially if I haven't written in a while.

Favorite recent Jack quote: "All of my favorite things are having a party in my heart."

Last out-of-town trip: A weekend with Roger and Jack in Moab a few weeks ago. We had fabulous weather and found two fun trails we've never been on.

Current exercise routine: I've become a complete yoga convert, and I'm trying to work up to running three miles in time for a 5k run at the end of May. Spring is here so that also means tennis!

Most persistent food craving: Pancakes made with a little bit of lemon juice and sugar.

Most dreadful thing hanging over my head: Getting our taxes done. I've got to focus on some data entry for the bookstore to bring the books up to date. I just don't want to do it!

Current volunteer projects: (1) Finishing up the last bit of work getting all of the books entered in the computer at Jack's school library and (2) Curating an art exhibit of original children's book illustrations at the Springville Museum of Art in 2008.

Current potential income producing projects: (1) Writing a proposal for a non-fiction book that will hopefully get the attention of a good agent and subsequently a good publisher, and (2) Getting inventory left from our bookstore listed online to sell.

Current job at church: Primary secretary (Primary is our Sunday School program for kids up to the age of 12).

Books I'm reading: Too many to list here. Seriously, I've got at least 30 books stacked near my bed. As a bookstore owner, I developed a bad habit of starting a new book before I've finished the last one and I haven't shaken the habit yet. But the book I've most recently had my nose in is Broken for You by Stephanie Kallos. I like it. And I'm planning to finish it before I read anything else.

Thing I'm most looking forward to: Leaves coming out. I am so, so ready for some green!

We've Got a Date

From the Deseret Morning News:

Shoppers, mark your calendars.

IKEA, the popular Swedish home furnishings retailer, announced Tuesday that work on its Draper store is on track and it will open for business at 9 a.m. May 23.

"We're excited. Our construction manager went there yesterday, and we got the final check-offs," said IKEA spokesman Joseph Roth. "We now control everything as part of our build-up process and there's no holding back."

The 310,000-square-foot Draper store, located along Pony Express Drive at the northwest corner of I-15 and Bangerter Highway, will include 10,000 items for sale, 50 different room displays, three complete model homes, a children's play area and a 300-seat restaurant.

IKEA broke ground on the store in April. The Draper IKEA is the company's first store in the Mountain West and its 30th in the United States.

"Due to the progress made during the fall and the snowy winter, we are confident the remaining construction milestones and interior build-up process will be complete by late May," Paul Janzen, IKEA Draper's store manager, said in a statement.

A Fish Story

3:30 a.m. I woke up in the middle of the night and couldn’t go back to sleep, so I thought I’d get up and write down the following experience. Yesterday I read an article on guided imaging and how it can help you connect to subconscious thoughts. One exercise was to picture a place where you are very content, then see who emerges to talk with you.

This is a bit on the nutty side, but I swear this is what happened.

I imagined that I was sunbathing on the swimming raft at my grandmother’s house on a lake. Waves rocked the raft gently and the sun and breeze were in perfect balance so I wasn’t too hot or too chilly. I waited for my “advisor” to appear.

All of a sudden a fish poked its head out of the water.

“What to you have to tell me?” I asked.

“Dive in!” it answered cheerfully.

“But what if it’s too cold?”

“That’s okay. You’ll get used to it.”

“But what if I can’t swim?”

“What are you thinking? You’ve known how to swim longer than you can remember.”

I was a little freaked out by the fact that the fish kept answering me without missing a beat, so the conversation ended there. But it’s sure giving me some food for thought.

I’m going to read for a while and then head back to bed.

Definitions

A friend just emailed me the winners of the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which asks readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.

Here are some of my favorites:

Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.

Intaxication: Euphoria at getting a tax refund, which lasts until you realize that it was your money to start with.

Sarchasm: The gulf between the author of sarcastic wit and the person who doesn't get it.

Karmageddon: When everybody is sending off all these really bad vibes, and then the Earth explodes and it's a serious bummer.

Decafalon: The grueling event of getting though the day consuming only things that are good for you.

Could My Head Actually Explode?

Oh, I thought I was starting to feel better the other day, but no such luck. I am slowly emerging from days of having one of the worst headaches I think I've ever had. I made Roger and Jack take me to the instacare on Saturday morning and they gave me lots of good things to help me get better.

Even now the Monday after, I can't look to my right or left without my head feeling like it might explode. So I avoid looking to the side. Just sitting here looking straight ahead, I feel pretty okay.

An entire week of my life has been spent doing nothing.

Well, not exactly nothing. I've been re-reading one of my all-time favorite novels, East of Eden by John Steinbeck, along with a copy of a collection of daily letters that he wrote to his editor while he was writing the book (Journal of a Novel).

One of my book clubs will be discussing East of Eden on Thursday, and I'm so looking forward to the discussion. It's the kind of book that makes a person think hard about human nature--what we're made of and what we're capable of. I need a good book group discussion quick, before my head explodes!

103.9 and 22 Below

Roger, Jack and I just had a great long weekend in San Diego, complete with a day at Legoland, a comfortable (though chilly) stay at a hotel on the beach in Del Mar, and a fun (though a bit slow due to a lack of wind) afternoon on an old sailing ship shooting cannons at other ships.

On the way home to Utah we watched the temperature plunge on the digital thermometer in our Jeep. The record low was 22 below, and that was at 7:30 p.m. We can only imagine how low parts of Utah got during the early morning hours.

I started feeling pretty cruddy on the drive home. Roger took good care of us and drove the entire 700 miles!

We got home about 9:00. I got Jack to bed while Roger unloaded the car. I got in my jammies, made a cup of hot chicken noodle soup and climbed in bed. In the middle of the night I woke up with a raging fever.

The last couple of days I've been living for my next dose of Advil. No other symptoms except a horrible headache. My fever is fairly under control, so I've switched to sinus medicine and that has helped to take the edge off.

So, so glad I didn't get sick while we were in San Diego. But wow, I'm ready to feel 100% again.

A Stark Contrast

Last night I had to explain the word "executed" to Jack. As in, "We have a confirmed report that Saddam Hussein was executed fifteen minutes ago."

The news this week is filled with death. Saddam Hussein. President Ford. James Brown. The family from Cedar Hills, Utah, that was lopped in half by a drunk driver (the mother and two children were killed, the father and two other children survived).

While reporters are recounting the atrocities Saddam Hussein committed during his lifetime and interviewing people who are either celebrating or utterly indifferent to his death, they are recounting wonderful things about Gerald R. Ford, James Brown and the family from Cedar Hills, who has expressed an amazing spirit of forgiveness toward the man who shattered their lives.

In this new year (and forevermore), may we all strive to live our lives doing lots and lots and lots of good and very little harm.

Dog + Breath

Ah, another proud parenting moment. We're sitting in church yesterday and Jack is busy writing on a yellow pad. I look over and read "dog + breath = dogbreath."

I choose to see three good things about Jack reflected in this: (1) he's becoming a very good speller, (2) he's been doing really well in math and clearly recognizes the elements of a sound equation, and (3) he values having a sense of humor.

I'll miss seven-year-old Jack when he turns eight.

Don't Call Me Sweetie

The other day Jack had a couple of friends over, and I happened to call him "sweetie" in front of everyone. He just glared at me and very firmly said in a low voice through clenched teeth, "Don't call me sweetie."

It's so fun to watch him grow up, but gosh darn it, moments like those are a kick in the gut.

For some random reason I was thinking recently about what it would be like to be in a witness protection program. What it would mean to give up so many things that our lives are built on, like family and friends. And what it would feel like to go by another name.

Roger has always said that he doesn't feel particularly attached to his first name. I don't think I'd have a problem calling him something else.

I've always had such an unusual name--Margy pronounced with a hard G. I never knew exactly what a "Margy" was supposed to be like. Growing up I sometimes wished I had a "normal" name. In second grade I tried turning in my homework with my then dream name, Kathy, but my teacher turned it back to me and said she would not give me credit until I put my proper name on it. I've grown into my name over the years, so it would be strange to go by something else. But I'd adapt.

Jack, however, is a different story. When we went to the hospital to meet him for the first time, we brought along two possible names: Jack if we thought he could live up to it and Stephen if we thought he'd appreciate us playing it on the conservative side. When we looked into his eyes for the first time (well, one eye, then the other, and then finally both at the same time), we knew he was Jack.

I cannot even begin to imagine what we'd call him if we couldn't call him Jack. Sweetie is apparently no longer an option.